Everybody has sticking points, whether it’s work, relationships or
life in general. But that’s fine and dandy because the learning process
is what makes us better women.
Perhaps you’re struggling with certain behaviors or fears that might
be keeping you from making the most out of your love life. Not to worry
though; author Mirabelle Summers has created the ultimate game-free
guide on how to do just THAT:
The
“Get A Great Guy Guide”
is just the thing you need to achieve the breakthrough that you’ve been
waiting for. With its sensible, no-nonsense and down-to-earth advice
for the sassy, modern girl, finding AND holding on to a quality man will
be a cinch!
Now then – one of the most common stumbling blocks to more romance in
a woman’s life is a simple lack of conversational know-now. The good
news is that this can be LEARNED and immediately applied in your
everyday life!
Especially while you’re face-to-face with a potential lover!
Oftentimes the problem is that some well-meaning girls overlook the
importance of having the right communication style. It’s not that they
WANT to be boring; they’re merely unaware of how to hold a conversation.
No sensible gal is going to get up in the morning and tell herself,
“I wonder how I’m gonna BORE the socks off of that cute stranger I’m
going run into at the coffee shop today?”
If you want to become a better conversationalist, it’s important to
consider if you’ve grown accustomed to certain patterns of speech that
are actually counterproductive. Sometimes, you need to step back and ask
if you’ve fallen into certain habits which you’ve numbed yourself to
over time.
So the first step towards any form of improvement is SELF-AWARENESS.
Think about the way you normally carry a conversation with a guy and ask
yourself if your style could use some polishing.
Of course, I don’t want you to start beating yourself up if you feel
that the way you talk to men isn’t as attractive as you might want it to
be. Like I said earlier, there’s always room for improvement, and it’s
definitely a good thing to know EXACTLY which areas can be improved.
With that said, I want you to go over the following tip you can use to enhance your communication style:
# 1: Rapport is Key
It may sound like the simplest thing in the world to say, but the
fact is lots of perfectly adorable women have a hard time doing this.
It’s mainly because they only have a VAGUE idea of what rapport is, so
naturally you can’t create something you can’t really put a pin on!
So let’s clear up the fog surrounding this topic and identify what it
is exactly. In a nutshell, having rapport is about having a CONNECTION
with someone.
You know how you hook up your iPod or mobile phone to your computer,
and they suddenly have this mutual understanding? It’s kind of like
that, but on a DEEPER level.
Let me give you a clearer picture: if you were at a party packed with
all manner of gorgeous, articulate and friendly men, which one of them
are you likely to REALLY fall for?
Since they’re all visually and mentally appealing, you might have a
hard time figuring out which guy suits you. Chances are the one who
naturally understands you will be the man you’d want to date.
Why is that? Well, doesn’t it feel just GREAT when a person instinctively senses where you’re coming from?
I’m sure you’ve met at least one person in your life who you
inexplicably feel drawn to. That’s because that person seems to
perfectly understand and echo back your own opinions or feelings.
That sense of being connected is what rapport is all about.
Fortunately, it’s actually not hard at all to do this in your daily
conversations.
The first thing to keep in mind is that you need to be on the ‘same
page’ as the person you’re talking to. There are easy ways to do this.
For example, keep an ear out for specific concepts or values that are
personally close to the person you’re in a conversation with. If he
brings up that it’s important to him to have some quiet time everyday,
store that away for future reference.
Later on you can echo back that same concept by telling him about how
YOU like to spend your alone time: “At the end of the day I like to
spend an hour or so curling up with a good book and a nice warm cup of
chamomile tea. It really helps decompress after a crazy day, you know
what I mean?”
Step back and watch his eyes light up like a Christmas tree! By
taking something close to his heart and giving it back to him in a
genuine way, your words will make quite the IMPACT on him.
So, rapport really has to do a lot with speaking the same ‘language’.
Now of course, I don’t mean you have to start mimicking everything he’s
saying like a little parrot, but rather do it in an EMOTIONAL sense.
Discovering and talking about the values that resonate with you BOTH is a way to speak the same language.
When you think about it, we often adapt our modes of speech depending on the context we’re in.
For example, you wouldn’t talk to your friends, family, colleagues, or elders in the same EXACT way would you?
So don’t think that you’re being a phony by making an effort to speak
in the same way that he does. You’re simply getting into the practice
of communicating in a way that’s APPROPRIATE to the situation.
And when it comes to chatting up gorgeous guys, a meeting of the minds is best done through rapport-building speech patterns!
# 2: Switch Off Your Brain
Don’t get me wrong, the kinds of guys who are worth your time are
into women of SUBSTANCE. And certainly, this next conversational tip is
not about acting air-headed or ditzy.
All I’m advising you do is keep your sexy brain from going into
overdrive! A common mistake that intelligent women often commit is to
think too much about certain things.
They get so caught up in their own world of thoughts that they’ll
come off as aloof or distracted, when in reality they’re just petrified
from FEAR of not knowing what to say next.
If you don’t want your brain from stalling on you, then you have to
quiet your thoughts and shut out the nagging distractions in your pretty
little noggin.
The attraction-killing thoughts I’m talking about are those coming
from the inner critic trying to sabotage your conversation. Sometimes,
we make the mistake of mentally scolding ourselves after saying
something that felt out of place or unfunny.
Other times, we’re lost in a maze of thoughts on what to say next or get bogged down in a swamp of self-consciousness.
When you feel your brain going in this direction, acknowledge what’s going on and DROP these mental distractions.
There’s a handy little trick you can do in case your attention is
drifting off to la-la land: instead of obsessing about how you look in
his eyes or what he might be thinking, simply divert your attention to
HIM.
It’s a girl’s best defense against looking aloof or detached from the
conversation (or from this plane of reality for that matter!). So
remember to shut off this part of your brain, and you’ll do just fine.
On another note however, sometimes it’s the guy you’re talking to
that’s feeling self-conscious. If that’s the case, then don’t act or
talk in any way that might give away you’re AWARE of it.
Just play it cool and don’t dwell on the vibe he’s giving off. It’ll
only make things more awkward if you let his state affect your own.
# 3: Humor is Your Best Friend
Maybe you’re still feeling each other out and you’re trying to get a
handle on how to connect to this hunk of a guy. But the awkward flow of
your conversation is creating a major interference in your connection so
you�re having a hard time ‘broadcasting’ your signal.
Fear not, friend! The quickest way to clear up all that ‘static’ is
by creating a private joke which you can share with him. When you both
have some knee-slapping ground to start on, this accelerates the
rapport-building process.
My long-time friend Marcus has a great story to illustrate my point. He says:
“One of my first jobs was a freelance product writer for all sorts of
health merchandise. During one assignment I was talking with this guy
who was telling me about the benefits of a sports bracelet that
supposedly reduces muscular fatigue. I had to put on the bracelet and
pretended how less tense my arm felt as I was stretching it. Monique,
his pretty sales assistant, was visibly chuckling at how funny
I looked
during the product demo (though she tried her best to hide it).”
Marcus was then able to use this funny incident as an inside joke
when he started chatting up Monqiue. To her delight, he referred to the
silly arm-stretching debacle several times during their conversation.
To his benefit, Monique was game enough to tease him about it when
they eventually started dating. The moral of the story here is that when
used properly, humor serves as a great bridge between two people.
Heck, any doctor knows about the therapeutic effect of laughter. One
way to bring on the charm is to put your man on a natural high by
cracking a joke or making a witty comment!
Making people laugh will make people (cute guys included) want to be around you to get a dose of your feel-good charisma.
Of course, there’s a big difference between laughing at a joke and
MAKING one. However, appearing to be effortless at humor isn’t as hard
as you might think.
Don’t assume you need to transform yourself into a standup comic at the drop of a hat.
Generally, a good punch line is the result of properly setting up the
joke beforehand. If you need to explain the punch line after delivering
it, it means you didn’t build enough suspense first.
(Think about how some characters on TV bumble a perfectly good joke
by explaining too much and adding a “get it, get it?” at the end.)
A good way to build up a joke is by keeping a relatively straight
face and suppressing any snickers before dropping the punch line on him.
Otherwise there won’t be any escalation.
That’s what comedic timing is all about: buttering up the audience
and then BAM, you get the drop on them with a well-placed punch line!
Notice how comedians like Conan O’Brien or Tina Fey churn out the
funnies. They like to talk about a mundane news item (the set-up) and
then making a zany comment about it (the payoff).
As an aside, avoid making any pop culture references that might
alienate or confuse the person you’re talking to. It’s good to be
mindful of the particular person in front of you so he can better relate
to your “material”.
However, don’t worry about making leaps and bounds in this particular
area of conversation. Try adapting these habits of humor little by
little into your speech.
Once you hit your stride and finally struck a guy’s funny bone,
you’ll notice how easier it is to keep him laughing with a follow-up
joke!
One last way to be funny without overdoing it is by doing the
“pretend seriousness” routine. A little lighthearted irony goes a long
way with certain folks!
Let’s pretend that your friend introduced you to this incredibly cute
guy who happens to be just into music as you are. So halfway through
the conversation he confesses to not having heard about a certain band
you absolutely adore.
Take advantage of this opportunity by *playfully* retorting, “Tell me
you’re kidding. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to drag you to my place and
make you listen to my (name of band) records until you see the light.
Seriously!”
Admittedly, this approach might not work on everyone, but if he seems
like the guy who’s game enough to go along with the fun, then give it a
shot!
#4: Converse With an OPEN Ear
Some women might think that listening is just a simple matter of
hearing what the other person is telling them. Truth is, this basic
skill we’ve been taught to use over the years is often taken for
granted.
Sometimes, we find ourselves zoning out a bit (refer to tip # 2) when
we should be PAY ATTENTION in the full sense of the verb. A typical
mistake is to listen on a superficial level and merely use the time the
guy is talking to think of something to say.
This might sound like common sense, but I have this to share: you’d
have a better chance of saying something worthwhile if you truly
listened to what the other person just said.
I’ve told countless friends and colleagues that your genuine
attention is a very powerful tool for conversational success! Really
listening to his jokes and stories is a simple but effective way to make
him feel good about himself.
And what red-blooded man wouldn’t want to be around a sassy girl that he can associate his GOOD FEELINGS with?
The gift of showing real interest is the direct path to greater
rapport in ANY sort of conversation you’re in. Although our general
interest here is to attract men through a good chat, we also have to
consider the big picture here.
An attractive woman is someone who can have a great conversation with
just about anybody. When you have a POSITIVE attitude towards the rest
of humankind, it’s an indication of how you’d be on a date.
…or as a girlfriend.
If you’re there to talk with ANYONE purely for the pleasure of their
company… and NOT because you want their approval… then that sincerity
will naturally show.
People (hunks included) just tend you like more when you want to hang out with them with NO strings attached.
So what I’m saying here is that you shouldn’t just limit your awesome
conversational skills to men alone. Find an opportunity to flex your
social muscles and chat up a storm with the next person you run into!
It doesn’t matter if it’s the nice old lady at the library, the
friendly cashier at your favorite coffee place, or your fellow students
at yoga class. Every person out there offers a chance for you to become a
more sociable person.
Trust me, this mindset is the sure-fire path to becoming drop-dead
gorgeous in the long run! What have you got to lose after all?
And part of developing the right mindset is by expanding your knowledge and beliefs about dating, courtesy of Meet Your Sweet’s
“Get a Great Guy Guide.”
When you think about it, the cost of failure is pretty much ZERO, so get out there and work it!
This article comes to you courtesy of
Meet Your Sweet
If you are serious about changing your love life success, the first
step on your journey of self discovery needs to be with Meet Your
Sweet’s
“Get a Great Guy Guide.”
If you want genuine men, and not just any man, let Mirabelle Summers
and the team challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show
you the way to become a seduction success story.
No games. No scripted lines. Real life dating advice for real women!
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